I am watching Lady Gaga tonight on youtube, she talking about something soulful, mindful and thoughtful, it is about the world, awaken, and our world.
Youtube usually is my ''Kill-Time'' thing when I just wanna be lazy, not to do what I should do, and relax, sometimes.... but this time,
I would say this makes me unconscious. I stay away from the real world, because it is pain, it is harsh to connect and deal with a lot of mindless and shallow people, worried to get cheated again, afraid to be hurt again by people, worried that disappointed by people again, I feel fear to step out again. I just hide.
I know this is not me, but I just wanna be healed from those trauma I had...
I then dropped into another deep depression. I think, maybe you have been there like me, but maybe you think this is just normal and this is not real, you can wake up and pretend you are alright.
Not for me. Spirit and my truth need me to wake up and STOP pretend I am normal, no, the truth is I never be normal, I am weird from the day 1 I come to this world.
I bet you know this feeling.
I cannot stand for this emptiness, I looked at the knife and wonder should I stop everything, at that time. I am sure that no one would find me till the next day morning at noon....
This is a blessing, my grandmother always is my guiding star, I cannot leave the earth like this, she would not like to see this and would not like to meet me that early in another side.
So, do something Fafa, you cannot let yourself die or live like dead till 70 years old. Ok, I consultant my healer and I feel way much better.
My little blog maybe really little, the traffic maybe very low and you may not have time to read (you Hong Konger why writing English! BUT I LIKE IT!) as it is in English and freaking long. BUT, what if you are reading it by chance? What if you exactly need something like this to feed your soul? What if you have time suddenly?
I cannot let things to stop me, too many excuses in the past two years.... I cannot stop to being myself, I cannot Not to be myself. I am honest from the day 1, the shallow world taught me to be a ''sweet girl'' but I realized that this is not me, I can be sweet but I need to be honest to speak my truth, I need to be soulful to think deep when everybody wanna know less.
I know there are many robots in the world, but please do not let them beat you down, it is like a video game, we have to be wise. Be wise to stay away and not to pay much attention on them, Instead, pay More attention on those who are carrying similar energy with you, and also on yourself. That's all. It is sad at the beginning, no body say it was easy, but eventually you know how to play this game, and you will be the master, because you know how to master your life, empower yourself, enlighten yourself.
Use the social media in a positive way, in a good way. Stop compare from the other, it is SO easy to compare our life to the other, as everything seems so ''transparent'' on social media, remember, nothing is 100% real there, we people always show the best there, who knows their real life? Real personality? Real or fake? Who knows?
Number, only is a number. If you had millions followers does not make you Queen or King. The feeling must be awesome, I wish I have a lot of followers as well, but we all have to know where is our ground, and where is our truth.
I show my nice photography there, because I like creativity, I like beauty, but I do speak my truth, skillfully. Imagine, if I speak my truth with anger, we are only sharing shit at the end but not changing the world in a better way.
Speak the truth skillfully, does not mean being fake, we have to understand not many people could understand what you / we are talking about at first. Start from zero, be kind.
Introduce the mindful world again to the people, all start from zero. I truly believe in love like what she said.
Thank you for reading. Kindly follow me on whiteflavia
